Pediatric Services Pediatric Services: An intervention team serving children with developmental delays.

HomeParents' CornerParents' Corner ArchiveProfessional CornerProfessional Corner ArchiveCase in ProgressCase in Progress ArchiveInspirational MessagesInspirational Messages ArchiveDirect ServicesConsultingSeminars, Workshops, and MoreSpecial EventsRecommended ReadingRecommended Reading for ChildrenAsk the Experts News FlashCurrent Question and AnswerUnderstanding the LingoAbout the TeamTestimonialsFees, Location, and DetailsTypical Development: MakennaTypical Development: LaceyResourcesPrivacyStatementConfidentiality

PROFESSIONAL CORNER • Last updated May 22, 2017

I received this message during the week There are some very basic but important concepts dealt within this short composition. We all must work on our relationships with friends, family, and co-workers. It is what makes the world we live in work

-Julie Loe


from Tim Connor, CSP
Sales and management speaker, trainer, author

Every relationship sooner or later has conflict. Most relationships have some form of conflict on a regular or on-going basis. Conflict is not good or bad, positive or negative. It is neutral. It is an opportunity to build and strengthen or sabotage and destroy a relationship.

Whether you have been dating for 3 months or married for over 40 years I guarantee you have had a disagreement about something whether major or minor in the past few weeks. The ability to use conflict as a positive relationship tool tends to be one of the weaker skills of many people in relationships whether a marriage, with children, with employees or customers.

I will be the first to admit that the ability to push people's buttons is not an attractive trait. But, nonetheless many people seem to take delight in being able to bring to the surface someone's suppressed anger, guilt and regret.

Over the years I have come to see conflict as an excellent method for getting in touch NOT WITH; what is wrong with the other person (the assumption I make when I do this is they need to change or be fixed) BUT what is inside of me that I have not:
Successfully dealt with

The key issue here in my opinion regarding the positive or negative use of conflict in relationships is the degree of TRUST, ACCEPTANCE, and RESPECT (TAR) that is present. If you lack any of these, any conflict will sooner or later, erupt into a battle and one that may have its ultimate and final solution with the termination of the relationship.

Where TAR is present and used as a filter through which any and all disagreements are passed, you will be amazed at how the outcome will be more beneficial.

I have experienced a difficult divorce where the conflicts just grew more frequent and more heated as time passed. The issue, looking back, was not whether I took out the trash or was late for dinner, but what was the degree of TAR that was present in the relationship. Having said that TAR is not in a relationship any more than passion is in a relationship of fun in a job. These things are in people. So if TAR is not there it is because it isn’t in either or both of the parties. As a result I guarantee that sooner or later without it TAR your conflicts will be destructive. The key to effectively managing conflict is to ensure you continue to maintain and develop TAR in the relationship.

Relationship quote for the week:
"No one can hurt you without your consent."
Elanor Roosevelt

Have a great week. Tim

  • Unable to find what you're looking for? Search the entire site to find information about any subject we have information on. Instructions:
    Type a word or words into the form below and press the Search button. You may use "quotation marks" to search for a phrase. Adding a plus sign (+) before a word or phrase will require its presence; adding a minus sign (-) before a word or phrase will require its absence.

CONTENTS (except as noted) ©2003-8 by Pediatric Services

Corporate Office in Morro Bay, California (San Luis Obispo County)
Telephone: 805.550.8799 Fax: 805.772.8246

Click here to ask a question.

DESIGN ©2003 by William Blinn Communications

Worthington, Ohio 43085

Articles written by Pediatric Services staff are copyright by Pediatric Services.
All other articles are copyright by their respective owners.
Information provided is for educational use only
and is not intended to replace medical advice from your physician.

Last modified: May 22, 2017